Out of Control

Keira has been having flu and cough for more than 2 weeks.

It was 11.30pm and she was sleepy, but she insisted that she wanted to watch youtube while I was busy getting an important thing done. So I used my affirmative voice and said "NO!" So she started to cry, and then cough. She noticed I gave a bit of attention when she coughed, so she decided to force herself to cough even more and at the end she vomited. The worse thing was this: she vomited on my blackberry (which I was using to chat with Keith to get the important things done) and she vomited on the bedsheet I just changed 2 days ago... So I got very upset, I scolded her, I even bit her hand, and she cried even louder and this time she vomited again... i had to change her PJ and then... she cried and cried.

Soon after that, she fell asleep on her own. Now watching her sleep, I feel very sad. Her eyes are swollen and red. She is so tired, she didn't even move when I talk to her. Usually she is a light sleeper, meaning she wakes up very easily whenever there's a sound, even if it's just a soft one.

I mean, she is already not feeling well. Why couldn't I show her care when she vomited? Afterall, it's her bedtime, why did I bring my laptop into the room?

I hope she will never doubt that mommy loves her very much, just that mommy is also imperfect and has her own weaknesses and one of them is quick tempered and lack of self control :(

Keira, mommy is sorry and I love you very much.

Motherhood - The Voice Within

I watch this movie "Motherhood" first thing I woke up on Monday. Well, it's my off day.

After watching it, I think I should be grateful that I have a job but somehow I still want to be a housewife. Or maybe I should say I want to have a part time or a home based job, at the same time I can spend much time with my daughter (and children in the future). Maybe Keith is right, I grew up in a place where moms stay at home, so that's why.

Sometimes, I'm wondering what would it be if I'm working in an office. You know, a real office. After graduating, I have never worked in an office, it has always been in a store; namely boutique and bookstore.

How come?

Then, if I think back again, why had I chosen business instead of engineering course? I had always been a science student, I loved math and physics, yes I really DO love physics.

I envy ambitious people, I envy those that have found their "dream jobs".
Well, I am not saying my job is miserable now, well yeah a bit... but again just like what Larry Winget says "your success is your own damn fault". So even if I don't love the job, I have to do my best (and I do realize I haven't given my best).

WELL, my whole point is... I do once in a while think back of "what would have happened if..." , "how i wish i have..." , or "how good will it be if..." but then reality hits me. so yeah, GET A LIFE! My life is good. God has given me great things in life. I have a wonderful family, loving husband and adorable daughter. I belong to a great church. I have a good boss and lovely friends & colleagues. I live in a decent house. So yeah this is reality. Get back to WORK and do whatever I need to do.

Cheers,
JJ

Flu Again

Keira is down with flu again yesterday... a mild fever in the late afternoon, but it subsided at night...she couldn't sleep well cos she could hardly breathe properly... have to rock her to sleep. she whined a lot too :( poor child!

But she was happy again this morning... ^___^