It was 11.30pm and she was sleepy, but she insisted that she wanted to watch youtube while I was busy getting an important thing done. So I used my affirmative voice and said "NO!" So she started to cry, and then cough. She noticed I gave a bit of attention when she coughed, so she decided to force herself to cough even more and at the end she vomited. The worse thing was this: she vomited on my blackberry (which I was using to chat with Keith to get the important things done) and she vomited on the bedsheet I just changed 2 days ago... So I got very upset, I scolded her, I even bit her hand, and she cried even louder and this time she vomited again... i had to change her PJ and then... she cried and cried.
Soon after that, she fell asleep on her own. Now watching her sleep, I feel very sad. Her eyes are swollen and red. She is so tired, she didn't even move when I talk to her. Usually she is a light sleeper, meaning she wakes up very easily whenever there's a sound, even if it's just a soft one.
I mean, she is already not feeling well. Why couldn't I show her care when she vomited? Afterall, it's her bedtime, why did I bring my laptop into the room?
I hope she will never doubt that mommy loves her very much, just that mommy is also imperfect and has her own weaknesses and one of them is quick tempered and lack of self control :(
Keira, mommy is sorry and I love you very much.
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