My Kids Are NOT My Everything

Scenario 1:

"Ohhhh she's so adorable... sooo cute.... How can i not give her everything? I'm willing to let go and give up my all for her sake." Basically you give whatever she wants because you "love" her so much.

Scenario 2:

"She has taken over my life. My timetable is all upside down... She basically runs my life. I am so controlled by her." You are a paranoia. She cries, you run to check n carry (n often offer the bottle or your nipple!!!). She threw tantrum, you quickly give in. Or maybe, you used to be a gentle, lady-like, elegant woman but now you are screaming your head off all the time because the little monster is driving you nuts!! 

In both scenarios, the kid controls the mom's life. He/She is now the boss, the ruler, the determiner... As for me, I was living in both scenarios when Keira was born, well, except the screaming part (I still remember I would sterilize her bottle if i left the bottle uncovered for more than 30seconds). Many times, I was driven by fear; fear of hurting and losing her. She was my everything. I have to admit that there are times I unconsciously neglect all other things (including my husband) and focus only on her. I still remember, my husband once said that it was as if I could live without him, but not Keira. I was shocked, I denied it but actions speak louder than words, ey?

Of course until today, I can't thank God enough for her. In fact, I always told God that I can't imagine my life without her. She's so precious to me and my husband. 

After reading Larry Winget's "Your Kids Are Your Own Damn Fault", I realize that my kids are not my everything. Yes I love them, I will sacrifice for them, I will give them the best I can afford, but at the same time, there are things they need to figure out themselves. My job as a mother is to raise, to train, to shape and to prepare them for the future. I need to set boundaries for them. One day, they have to face their own world. My aim is to finally let them survive and excel independently. I need to make sure they are smart and independent enough to decide on the right things. My point is, one day, the kids are gonna grow up and live their own lives. When they leave, you are left with your spouse. So if your kids are your everything, it means you lose your everything. I know some of you are thinking about the children looking after the parents when they are old, but mind you, their spouse and their children are their priorities now, not you.

So to all parents, here's a reminder:

1. If you have been so controlled by your kids, you have to remind yourself that you are the one who sets the boundaries because you know what's best for them. You are given the authority to raise them. You can't give them whatever they want, because the world won't! Prepare them for the future. We are not perfect, we will definitely make mistakes in life. Let them see how we fix our mistakes and how to bounce back after failing. They will learn from it.

2. If you have been raising your children at the expense of your marriage, think again. One of the best gifts you can give your children is a good relationship with your spouse. A healthy marriage & loving parents help the children to grow up with healthy self esteem. 

3. Your kids are not your everything. Your husband/wife is. One day, the kids will start their own families & face their own challenges in the society. The one that'll stay with you is your partner, you 2 have become 1, remember the "til death do us part" that you promised to each other?

Parenting ain't easy, especially in today's society. Always look ahead. What do you want them to be, 5 years or 10 years or 20 years down the road. Begin with an end in mind. And remember, they are not your everything because they won't stay with you forever. Give them the best while they are with you, but do not neglect other things or people that are equally important. 

My thought in these few days...

Dry Shampoo

Did some research on dry shampoo today. I definitely need one during my confinement period. Going to pharmacy to find this brand "Klorane".

Apparently, not many brands are available in Malaysia, the most popular among the mommies is "Comfy Care", but the review is not as good. 

Will write some review on Klorane if I manage to get one. :)

Confinement Period #1 vs #2

In the previous confinement period, I didn't do well. So, this time round, I've made better preparation. Hopefully, even if I have postpartum blue again, I can cope better.

First of all, I have engaged a confinement lady, who will help to care for Caedy, do the laundry, cook for me & family and do basic house chores. (#1 confinement, I didn't have one, I constantly worried that my mom would be too tired & I was so stressed out when the house wasn't as clean as I wanted.)

I accept the fact that if I want my mom to come and help to look after Keira, there are things that I have to agree with her, i.e. do not walk up and down the stairs the first few days, do not wash hair daily (gonna try Comfy Care dry shampoo for the first time), and so on. I'll try to compromise on things that won't harm me and the baby and just take things easily. (#1 confinement: I pulled a long face many times because I just couldn't agree with my mom & I constantly "judged" the way she did things.)

I have bought Amway's "Post Natal Tropical Herbs".  I think it's very convenient, in terms of preparation and consumption. I still remember, my mom bought a full set of pre-packed herbs and she had to boil it for hours and I had to drink bowlssss of soup & herbal drinks daily, I was sweaty & bloated all the time. So this time round, just normal soup with meals + the Amway products. Oh ya, the post natal set also comes with the herbal bath, massage oil, herbal tea, etc... I read some good reviews about the products.

Now that I've settled my own part and my mom's part, I really pray that Keira will adapt to the new addition well and the confinement lady will be cooperative with how I want things to be done. I only have less than a month to put Keira back to her routine (back to school & daycare, sleep early, sleep on her own bed bla bla bla...), so wish me luck!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I learn n realize from this season of life...

So you know we were given the opportunity to have a little break and come to Singapore to study in SOT. I was VERY excited when I first heard the news from my Pastor cum boss. But, that was also the week I suspected I was already pregnant. But we still decided to come at the end.

To cut the long story short, due to many pregnancy discomforts, i.e. pelvic pain, backache, sore legs, and also other matters, I haven't been able to attend most of the classes. However, now to think back... God's timing is perfect and He's answering my prayer (but I didn't really realize it at first).

I think this pregnancy can't be easier & my lifestyle can't be healthier if I'm in Msia. You know, living in Singapore, most people don't drive, so we have to walk & take public transportation. Walking or swimming is part of my lifestyle here. (I hardly exercised when I was pregnant w Keira, no wonder I had no stamina during the delivery. Eeks!). Oh and the healthy food that i've been eating :) home cooked food by the maid. She's a good cook.

Living with my sister in law's family is awesome. She must be one of the most amazing moms I know. The way she raises the kids, the fun they have at home, the effort they put to have quality time together despite of their busyness, I can only thank God for showing me the life of a healthy godly family.

I have secretly feared that I won't have enough time for Keira (esp with No.2 coming). What if I can't give her as much attention anymore? What if I become too busy & she feels neglected? What if what if? Now that i'm always 24/7 with her, I do realize a few good quality hours are often enough. I just need to make sure the time spent is good, purposeful, enriching/fun & without distractions.

Another thing that I also realize after these few months, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. (Don't judge me yet! =D) In case you dont know, I have been dreaming of staying at home and be with the kids... But, it's not easy & I think I'll end up in the psychiatrist's office. Being a SAHM is a lot harder than a working mom (in my humble opinion). So, salute and cheers to all my SAHM friends.

So, here's to all wonderful mommies on planet earth... whether you are a working mom or SAHM, you are just as precious & important!

Happy Father's Day!

 The love of my life...

The daddy that loves, protects, provides, leads, plays, teaches, guides and sacrifices for the family!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to the best hubby & daddy!! :)

Second Pregnancy w Caedy Tay

I had been telling many people that I enjoyed my first pregnancy so much; no complication, no morning sickness... basically it was great!


But this time round, it's TOTALLY different. I had morning sickness & pelvic pain (it's like the lower parts of my body were going to fall apart and I could hardly walk/move) for the first 4 months, heartburn & constipation during the second trimester, but thankfully my third trimester hasn't been too tough, just restless nights & the frequent midnight visit to the loo (you know this!). Have I mentioned that I kissed goodbye to glowing skin? I have red rough patches on my chin & cheek. But this happened during my first pregnancy too.


Oh btw, it has nothing to do with the babies' gender. They are both girls but yet the pregnancies were almost completely different.


My first pregnancy was smooth but the confinement period was gloomy. I had postpartum blue for the first 2 weeks. So this time round, I prepared myself well. I have engaged a confinement lady, I have planned what I am going and not going to do. And most importantly, not to sweat the small stuff & get plenty of rest whenever I can. (I'll write in another blog what I'll do different with my confinement period this time round.)


If you are pregnant for the first time, my advice is that you get good rest, it does good to you. (you are prone to be moody if you don't have enough rest). Eat healthily & exercise (walk, swim or yoga) cos it helps with labor & delivery. 


If this is not your first pregnancy, you know that you can't be so flexible anymore. You have to look after your other kid(s). You can't sleep whenever you want. So tell your partner what you expect him to help. Support one another.Take advantage of the time you spend w your kids, i.e. when you read stories for them, you are also reading it to the baby in the womb.


Again, don't sweat the small stuff. :)