My Kids Are NOT My Everything

Scenario 1:

"Ohhhh she's so adorable... sooo cute.... How can i not give her everything? I'm willing to let go and give up my all for her sake." Basically you give whatever she wants because you "love" her so much.

Scenario 2:

"She has taken over my life. My timetable is all upside down... She basically runs my life. I am so controlled by her." You are a paranoia. She cries, you run to check n carry (n often offer the bottle or your nipple!!!). She threw tantrum, you quickly give in. Or maybe, you used to be a gentle, lady-like, elegant woman but now you are screaming your head off all the time because the little monster is driving you nuts!! 

In both scenarios, the kid controls the mom's life. He/She is now the boss, the ruler, the determiner... As for me, I was living in both scenarios when Keira was born, well, except the screaming part (I still remember I would sterilize her bottle if i left the bottle uncovered for more than 30seconds). Many times, I was driven by fear; fear of hurting and losing her. She was my everything. I have to admit that there are times I unconsciously neglect all other things (including my husband) and focus only on her. I still remember, my husband once said that it was as if I could live without him, but not Keira. I was shocked, I denied it but actions speak louder than words, ey?

Of course until today, I can't thank God enough for her. In fact, I always told God that I can't imagine my life without her. She's so precious to me and my husband. 

After reading Larry Winget's "Your Kids Are Your Own Damn Fault", I realize that my kids are not my everything. Yes I love them, I will sacrifice for them, I will give them the best I can afford, but at the same time, there are things they need to figure out themselves. My job as a mother is to raise, to train, to shape and to prepare them for the future. I need to set boundaries for them. One day, they have to face their own world. My aim is to finally let them survive and excel independently. I need to make sure they are smart and independent enough to decide on the right things. My point is, one day, the kids are gonna grow up and live their own lives. When they leave, you are left with your spouse. So if your kids are your everything, it means you lose your everything. I know some of you are thinking about the children looking after the parents when they are old, but mind you, their spouse and their children are their priorities now, not you.

So to all parents, here's a reminder:

1. If you have been so controlled by your kids, you have to remind yourself that you are the one who sets the boundaries because you know what's best for them. You are given the authority to raise them. You can't give them whatever they want, because the world won't! Prepare them for the future. We are not perfect, we will definitely make mistakes in life. Let them see how we fix our mistakes and how to bounce back after failing. They will learn from it.

2. If you have been raising your children at the expense of your marriage, think again. One of the best gifts you can give your children is a good relationship with your spouse. A healthy marriage & loving parents help the children to grow up with healthy self esteem. 

3. Your kids are not your everything. Your husband/wife is. One day, the kids will start their own families & face their own challenges in the society. The one that'll stay with you is your partner, you 2 have become 1, remember the "til death do us part" that you promised to each other?

Parenting ain't easy, especially in today's society. Always look ahead. What do you want them to be, 5 years or 10 years or 20 years down the road. Begin with an end in mind. And remember, they are not your everything because they won't stay with you forever. Give them the best while they are with you, but do not neglect other things or people that are equally important. 

My thought in these few days...