Journey of Mothering Two

It's been few nights... Got Keira ready for bed at 9pm but she refused to sleep until 11++pm. That's also the time when Caedy got cranky and wanted me to carry. And in between those 2+ hours, Keira would want to go toilet for like 10x, I'm not kidding. I got angry with her almost every night. Never failed to threaten her that I'd take out cane if she didn't stop whining, I'd beat if she couldn't stop talking/singing/screaming/playing... last night I told myself that "OK... I'm not gonna scold her tonight!". But I think you can guess exactly what I did... I scolded her, yet again.

After the both of them slept, which was around 12am, I was doing my devotion with this wonderful book by Dr James Dobson. I cried so badly. I knew parenting requires sacrifice and patience, but I was so disappointed at myself. Then I think of the time, probably few years down the road, when the kids grow up, when the house is quiet... I'll miss their screaming, their cheeky, playful, annoying and unending demands... I fast forwarded my life to the time where they will leave for college somewhere else, what would I want to change (in my parenting) if I were to live this moment all over again... I told myself I'd stop scolding and yelling at Keira for petty little things, the small things that so easily got on my nerves. I'd carry Caedy when she was crying because she hadn't mastered the self-soothing skill. I'd interpret the situations from their perspectives.

I said sorry to God, I said sorry to them while they were sleeping, I said sorry to myself for failing...
I'll try again tonight. Try to be a better mom.